New Babies

My brother, Josh, and his girl friend, Brittany, are going to have a baby. When we first found out my family was happy because Josh always talks about him being the last Banister to carry on the name. Now we know that it is a little boy and that made us even happier. Josh seems excited but Brittany not so much. She wanted a girl. When they went to find out the sexy of the baby Brittany had had a dream the night before that it was going to be a boy and that is what she told her doctor. He thought laughed when he found out she was right. They decided to name the baby Jonathon Devon.... not the best of names, but hey... it ain't my kid. They want to call him J.D. since that is my brother initials. Over the Thanksgiving break I found out that I am going to have a baby too. I am so excited... except for the fact that I am sick 24/7!!!!! my mom flipped out a little because she is going to have 2 grandbabies four months apart. Other than that she seems fine. She knows I will do a good job and that I love Jake. He was really nervous but now he talks to her all the time. (Yes... I think she is a girl.... and I hate calling her an "it".) I keep telling him that she doesn't have ears yet but he says "she knows what I am saying". When I was in 9th grade one of my teachers were pregnant and she wanted to find out what it was. I told her about the thing where you put a needle on a string so the next class she brought one. She did her's and it said she was going to have another boy, and when he was born it was a boy. She also did all the girls in the class if they wanted to see theirs. I let her do mine and it said it was a girl first. I also did it at home and it always says the same thing. I worry thought, because when you do it... between each child it is suppose to stop. Well mine says girl then switches right to a boy. My teacher said maybe it means twins. I sure can't afford any twins... but that would be kinda cool.

Dear O Deer

I am very country. Right off the bat you might not be able to tell... but I am. I try not to show my southerness when I am out of my tiny town. I also come from a poor family. We eat what we catch, and to eat it you have to clean it first. Well my brother has always been the family deer cleaner. It is pretty much an honorary name we have bestowed upon him... 'cause he is the dude. The reason is because my dad doesn't live with us, and I'm pretty sure that even if he did he still wouldn't get off his butt. In fact, daddy comes to my house every day and sit out at the shop reading western books and drinkin' beer. He lives with his mom and she don't let anyone drink in her house. Don't get my wrong... if I have gave you the wrong impression I didn't mean to. I love my daddy. He is a great man and one of my best friends... he is just lazy after work and likes to drink his beer. Any how I have totally gotten off topic. So... dad wont help Josh clean any of the deer, so I always catch the meat before it hits the gut bucket, hold the knife, and all the random stuff. So when Josh's girlfriend came home saying she was pregnant we lost our honorary family deer cleaner. Yup...he moved right on out so they could have their family. So when Tony (the dude that brings us all the deer we eat) showed up one week after Josh left I took on the family title. It was a little odd because though I always watched, I never actually paid any attention. So he might look like a chainsaw got to him, but he sure does taste mighty yummy. I always said I could do anything Josh could do. As long as I don't have to kill an animal I can do everything else by myself. Besides... we gotta eat! Poor deer. Thank God he couldn't feel a thing.

Learning to Cope with College

I feel like the whole time I've been in college it has been a giant waste of time. I thought that when I started that I was just as smart as everyone else but now I don't feel that way. I know that most of the problem is that I slammed myself with too many classes just so I could keep my life scholarship. I feel that I've let everyone down because I was always told how smart I was. In high school everything was different. The classes were slower paced and I could keep myself steady. But when you have five essays due in one week it can't be very stressful. I find myself saying "huh.... what class is more important history... or maybe psychology.... English???" I just get stuck and I find that everything matters just as much as the other classes, but which should I start on first. I'm scared to ask my teachers how to do things, and then when I don't do them I know they look at me and think GIANT SLACKER. I'm not a slacker, I just can't seem to keep my mind under control. I need to learn how to plan ahead and make sure I give myself enough time for everything. But i can't very well walk up to my history teacher and say "hey, I don't think you should give us this assignment now because I already have other papers due... maybe you should wait until next week." He would look at me and laugh in my face. Don't get me wrong, he is one of my favorite teachers, but that doesn't mean he will postpone an assignment because I have to many things at one time. Now that I am signing up for the spring classes I am sticking to two classes until I can teach myself how to multitask. I know I am not dumb, the only thing that is stupid about me is the fact that I tried to overload myself my very first semester in college.

Depressed

It seems like there are certain times in a person's life where they get down in a rut and can't seem to dig themselves out of it. I know that I have always been a very happy person. I love to smile and laugh, but recently it is a hard thing to do. Yes, I still smile and laugh... but the feelings behind it aren't the same. I feel like parts of my life are falling into millions of tiny pieces and I can't put them back together. I'm not really one to smear my business all around, but I know I will feel better if I can get it off my chest.
1.) It all started with my brother and his girlfriend breaking up. They were apart four months and then she just popped back into our lives. Don't get me wrong... I missed her. We were pretty close friends. The thing is... she was three months pregnant when she decided to come back. Josh acted like her hated her, but now he says it was all a lie and that they were still together... BUT... we know that is not true. I know my brother, and he was not with her. Still that is not the point. I don't have a problem with my brother raising the child of someone he loves as long as she loves him back. She doesn't thought. She out right told my mom that if the guy she had been with would have called her back she would have never told Josh she was going to have a baby.
2.)Then I wrecked the car... a lot of issues with that like: I couldn't drive the rental so my mom was suppose to drive me from Honea Path to Anderson twice a week, and from Honea Path to Pendleton twice a week. UMM... gotta question????..... with what money are we going to buy gas with? My mom is disable and I don't have a job. She makes $14,000 are year!!!! I mean really??? then the insureance didn't want to give us the right amount for the car... whatever. I can live with that. So after we found a really cheap car the stupid lady signed as the leinholder so now we have to find her and get her to sing more crap so we can take the paper back to the DMV.
3.)I feel like all my grades are terrible. I have never made below a 70 in any class, and as a matter of fact... that is my lowest grade ever. I had a 4.0 GPA  in high school. I don't want to tell my mom that I know for a fact that I am going fail chemistry, and possibly psycholoy.... and American history.... I can't believe I got myself in such a mess... I try but it seems like I just suck at the whole college thing. I fall behind in everything then when I get home I try to figure out what is more important to pass out of the 5 classes I have. So I pick and choose and end up misses an assignment or to. I need to take a college skills class and not take as many classes next semester.
4.) Sunday I came home from church very happy. We had had Home Coming and my day had just been great. My boyfriend and I went in and fell asleep on the couch for our Sunday nap. (I thought that was only for old people... but it really does make you feel better.) When we woke up we went outside to feed the aniamls... which there is a lot of them. So we feed the donkey, and my goat, and we went around to feed my puppies and my mom came out of the shop with my dad (visiting... he don't live with us), and aunt. We stood there looking at  Autumn and Little Bear and I noticed Karri-Anne was sleeping real hard. She use to bark and wag her butt around, but now she was just lying there. Jake went in to see if she was sick, but she was stiff. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life. Her and Little Bear were mine and Autumn was my mom's dog. The others were acting funny and we noticed they were all sick. Bear died later that night, but Autumn lasted all the way to 1 the next afternoon. It is hard watching them lie there, knowing you can't do anything to help them.
5.)To top everything off, the stress from all of these things are tearing me and Jake apart. We use to never fight and now we are at eachothers throat all of the time. We keep saying "tomorrow will be better", but it never is. I don't want to lose him and I know he feels the same. I guess we will just have to suck up our problems and work together from now on. 
I just feel depresse4d from everything that happens lately. I pray a lot and try to take one day at a time, after all... how else am I suppose to make it?

Wrecked

Two weeks ago today I was in a wreck. I was stopped waiting for the man in front of me to go and I glanced in my rear view mirror. I noticed a truck going way to fast to stop and I watched it as it got closer. It was like the world slowed down and I don't remember tensing up or anything. I don't know if I watched it hit me, if I closed my eyes, or if I just looked forward. I just felt like my body and mind were on two different pages... like there was no connection between them at all. I think now it was God's way of shielding me, and I just let go of myself. He slammed into the back of me and I heard an awful crashing sound. My body felt motionless, though I know that was not the case. Still, time seemed to be standing almost completely still, but in actuality it was only a second before my car lurched forward into the truck in front of me. Again, that sound... a sound I never want to hear again. My knee slammed into the dash, but the rest of me seemed alright. And yes... I checked. I'm sure it looked like one of those movies where you think something is about to happen to a character. Then when nothing happens it surprises him too, so he looks down patting his body to make sure all the limbs were still attached. The next thing on my mind was not what I imagine other people doing. I figure they would grab their cell phone and start dialing 911... not me!!! I find the phone in the floorboard. Thank God I had had it plugged to the lighter so it would charge. There is no telling where it would have been if it wasn't attached to something. My fingers started dialing... something I never do. Most of the time I would have just hit "send" twice. After all... she was the last person I had called. "Hello?" she answered. "Ma... I just had a wreck". Sheer panic in her voice showed such compassion. "What, are you okay, whose fault.... where are you?" she scrambled to gather sounds that some how managed to make actual words. "I don't know" I replied. "What... what do you mean" at first she was loud, as though she had become annoyed, then her words slowed down and she spoke calmly "Sara.. is someone else there?". I didn't know why she would ask that but I replied "yes...". The man that had hit me had already come to my car door. But I didn't want to talk to him... I just wanted my momma. "Ask them where you are or give them the phone, Okay?" I knew she just wanted to find me but I didn't want to stop  hearing her voice. "28" I said "I am past walmart on 28." We only talked another minute before she told me she was on her way. She hung up and I felt like a soggy dog that had just been scolded from jumping in a mud puddle. I didn't do anything wrong. I am a good driver. I looked over the car and noticed its every nick and ding. The front was worse than the back, but the back had been hit so hard you could see the "Toyota" symbol indention where he had smashed into the trunk. I didn't go to the hospital, and the ambulance never came out. It took over an hour for the police to get there and by that time my mother had already made it from Honea Path. I was sore only a day or two and I still don't think I was hurt. I thank God everyday for letting me still wake up in the morning. Also driving makes me want to cry. I hate stopping at red lights or stop signs. I will almost run it before I have to slow down in front of someone. I am so paranoid to drive at all, but I ask God to ease my nerves and I know He rides the whole way with me. Come to find out, the man that hit me was looking down at his phone. The other man riding with him yelled for him to stop, and when he looked up he started stomping in the floor for the break pedal. Well... he found a pedal alright... the gas pedal. Just thinking that taking your eyes off the road for a spilt second worries me now. You never know who it will be or when. I was a good driver... I'm not now. But I will get better again, All thanks to God.  

A Very Bad Movie

A few days ago my brother Josh walked into the house and flung a movie case at me. He said he had rented it and that he and I should watch it. So we sat down to watch the movie and my mom, aunt, uncle, and Josh's girlfriend joined us soon after it started. I am writing this blog to say one thing: never watch the movie "I Spit on Your Grave". It is one of the worse movies I have ever seen. If you like gore and a lot of torture this is the movie for you, but if your stomach gets upset just from watching the "Saw" series I promise you will need a trash can nearby. Some of the torture goes from rape, to jerking teeth, to people getting their eyes eaten by crows. It all starts with a girl staying in a vacation cabin. Soon things turn bad and men come in and rape her. Well, she gets her revenge, and pretty good I might add. It is gross to the highest. Also it is not like other movies where you know something bad is going to happen and the camera cuts away and you only hear screaming, NO!!! You watch everything, that is... if you can keep your eyes open. So once again I will say: do not watch this movie. It is terrible. Not of the faint of heart.

Tanner

I have been wanting a pug puppy for almost two years now. I think they are so cute and I just really want one. I Love looking for pups but I never had the money until recently. I already have a dog in the house and her name is Baby. She is a sweety, but she thinks that she owns the house so it has been hard to get my mom to agree to a new pup. We got a new one about seven months ago, but Baby flipped out so my brother's girl friend took the new one. Now I have been thinking that since Baby is calming down some it would be the perfect time to get the pug I want so badly. So I asked my mom if I could have one if I bought it and she said that it was okay. I started looking but all the pugs in my price range were older or to far for me to travel. I was at my boy friends house Tuesday for his birthday and my mom call me. She sounded so excited as she told me that we got a new pup. I was so happy. I just knew that ma had bought me a wonderful pug puppy. Then she said "It is one of the pups from your brother's boss and he brought it home for Sheila". Well you see, Sheila is my aunt and she has been living with us since her heart surgery. I cried so hard because it broke my heart. I love that Sheila now has a puppy, but now I can't get one because I know Bay will not be cool with two news pups in the house. Ma doesn't know that they hurt my feelings, but it still stings two days later. I will get better, but next time I will get what i want, and I wont even ask!!!!!!! He is really cute and She named him Tanner. I still want to throw him in the trash can and pretend he was never there, but I love dogs to much.